Is anyone else tired of these headlines?

Since I'm not a writer for MLB.com, I'm not sure what the requirement is for writing the headlines on any team's website, but I'm pretty sure they must involve a cheesy play on words. Case in point: the headline recapping the Cubs' victory yesterday over Cincy with Rich Hill having thrown a two-hit shutout reads, "King of the Hill: Rich throws dandy two-hitter."

Don't get me wrong, Hill had a good game (probably the best one of his career since it was also his first CG and shutout, but "King of the Hill?" I know that "hill" is a synonym for "mound," and "king of the hill" is synonymous for victory, which makes Rich Hill the ultimate convenience in the world of bad sports journalism, but what if his name weren't so convenient? I pondered this for awhile and came up with some possible alternate headlines for yesterday's game if Rich Hill had a different last name.

Rich Field: "King of the Field: Rich pitches gem, negates fielding necessity"

Rich Walker: "King of the Walk: Rich walks 1, but low numbers are good"

Rich Hitter: "King of the Hit: Rich goes 0 for 4, but at least he can throw"

Rich Groundskeeper: "King of the Grounds: Rich dominates on the mound, then waters it"

Rich Hotdogvendor: "King of the Hot Dogs: Rich pitches goose egg, then orders wiener"

Rich Drunkfaninleftfieldbleachers: "Cubs Pitcher Does Good Job"