Maybe Dusty has a Flux Capacitor-shaped Scar beneath that hat.

First off, something rather pleasant, taken from the ESPN Cubs' "Player Card":

3B Aramis Ramirez came into the game with a .971 fielding percentage, the highest among NL third basemen and fourth in the majors.

He doesn't look it, but I'll be damned. Maybe he's just letting more balls through for hits, or maybe more balls are reaching the outfield. Actually, last year the Cubs had a groundball/flyball ratio of 1.31, which was fifth in the majors. This year's is 1.07 (24th), which means that the hard-hit balls are in the outfield, extra base hit percentage is up (5%), and Aramis is getting fewer difficult chances.

A headline, as well: Cubs drop finale despite Moore's mojo.

I suppose it would have been funnier if Muskat had made the mistake of attributing Freddie Bynum's successes to black magic, but then again Bynum has not had any non-musical successes.

Every time I see the name Xavier Nady, I think someone might have broken a bone during the game and was taken to Northwest Memorial.

A quote from Scott Eyre, who gave up the go-ahead run in the ninth after a solid eighth:

"I have to figure out a way to go out with the same intensity that I had when I first came into the game," Eyre said. "I sit down in the dugout and I sat there and I was looking around."

Apparently Scott Eyre needs to wear blinders during the games to keep from being distracted. Possible distractions:

1. Drunken Ryan Dempster.
2. Catcher Henry Blanco had fallen asleep.
3. A really good movie was playing on the clubhouse TV.
4. The image of Michael Barrett rehabilitating from his current injury.
5. This plate of spaghetti and meatballs.
6. He was on AIM with the rest of the MLB.
7. A certain THS staffer threatened to "break his fucking jaw" over a girl who had herpes.
8. Fear that, being the president and only member of the Scott Eyre fan club, his wife might get jealous and try to kill him.


In Baker's first season in 2003, the Cubs won the NL Central Division. This is the last year of his contract, and the team is in last place. Maybe he could flip the years? "It's too late now," Baker said. "You can't flip 'em. You can't time it. If I could do that, I'd have a time machine.

You can't time it? What does that mean? And when he says, "It's too late now," does this imply that there was a point at which this sort of sci-fi Muskat time-flip was possible? "If I could do that, I'd have a time machine." What are you talking about? I wonder if Carrie gets angry enough to torch a school dance when Dusty avoids her questions like this. Maybe the only reason Dusty still has a job is that he does have a time machine, and he uses it how I use the save state option on Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball: after every pitch.

Just kidding, I'm actually good at that game. But if I could go back and move the beginning of this post to the end of this post, I'd have a time machine.