Thursday, August 31, 2006

Poll #1

Who is more injured: Carl Pavano or Kerry Wood and Mark Prior combined?

Look over there for a second.

Carrie Muskat of on the Pirates:

A Cubs win over the Pirates on Tuesday night would ensure Pittsburgh's 14th straight losing season, the longest current streak of futility in professional sports.

The team for which you work has not won a World Series since 1908. The Pirates last won in 1960. And nobody expects the Pirates to win. They are awful and have the payroll of a small business. Your team is owned by Tribune Corp. They scalp their tickets to themselves to get around anti-scalping regulations. They don't win because they don't need to win to sell out the stadium. If Pittsburgh were owned by an enormous media corporation, they'd probably be a lot better.

I'd bet they'd never sign a guy who pissed on his own hands, though.

The Cubs are awful and it is your job to report this, Carrie Muskat. When you tell us that Pittsburgh is somehow a historically worse team than the Cubs, it just shows us how bad it can get.

How is Chad Fox doing, Carrie Muskat? What about Trenidad Hubbard?

- Pandrew

The five greatest MCs of all-time: Bynum, Bynum, Bynum, Bynum, and Bynum.

Dusty Baker has a little over a day to decide whether to start rookie Ryan Theriot, who went 5-6 last night, or Freddy Bynum, who has only seven hits all month. We're thinking he'll give the start to Bynum, as he will be well rested from not hitting the ball as hard and as often as Theriot. Also he's black and it might be rather sunny tomorrow.

- Pandrew

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Dangerous John coming closer to Mexico

Ryan Dempster, last 3 IP: 4.67 WHIP, 6 ER, 2 BS, 0-2. He blew a win for Z-Machine and blew a two run lead in the eleventh inning in different games. Not that this season matters anymore but GOD if they want to lose fewer than 100 games next year they have to fix this. We're looking at 102 losses this year.

1. Dumpster.
2. Juan Pierre: OBP of .328, SLG of .385, 30 BB
3. Ronny Cedeno: OBP of .265, SLG of .325, 14 BB, 19 (!) E, FPCT of .955 (second to last among qualified shortstops). VORP of -17.4.
4. Get rid of Neifi PĂ©rez...oh holy shit thank you!
4a. Play Matt Murton and Ryan Theriot. Call up Felix Pie or stop telling me how good he is. Cut Glendon Rusch. Cut Freddy Fucking Bynum. Put Angel Pagan on the bench. He is not a major league outfielder.
5. Move to the AL so that Jacque Jones doesn't need to play the field.
6. Buy out Kerry Wood's contract.
7. Sign a fucking free agent who does not piss on his hands.