Aw, crap.

Ted Lilly. You paid TED LILLY 40 million dollars over four years. Does anyone think Jim Hendry's hospitalization is only coincidence? The guy's consistently crappy, because he's not able to keep the ball down. He can't eat innings (over 6 IP/start once in his career, and that was 6.15 in 2004, his BEST SEASON EVER), he walks everybody ("Did he walk Frank Thomas?" "He walked everybody." "Did he walk David Ortiz?" "He walked EVERYBODY." "Did he walk Lou Merloni?" "HE WALKED EVERYBODY!" - but seriously, Simpsons paraphrasing aside, over 4 BB/9 in each of the last three years is NOT gonna cut it), he's VERY longball-prone (1.38 HR/9 career, never below 1.17 in a season), and he doesn't translate particularly well to Wrigley. Picture Rich Hill, without the things that make Rich Hill special. On the good side: He is a hell of a competitor, and putting him and Piniella together means we're going to get at least one entertaining blowup this year. Overall signing grade: D.

In other news, Pandrew is no longer the most famous asthmatic to come out of NIU! This is actually the most bullshit of the drug suspensions the NFL has put out, mainly because the guy NEEDS TO TAKE STEROIDS TO LIVE. On another level, it's fair, though - cortisteroids are legitimately steroids, and they do strengthen the cardiopulmonary system. The question here is: "Would a player who was not asthmatic derive benefit from taking this medication?" - and the answer is "yes". Still not sure how I feel about suspending him, though - the Saints are my favorite non-Bears team, and I'd love to see them do well.

While we're on the subject of football, I'd like somebody to help me figure out a parallel for this: In the Arizona game, Rex Grossman set the record for worst QB rating in history by a QB whose team won the game, with a 10.4. This past weekend, he obliterated his own record, with a 1.3. What does that equate to in ANY OTHER WALK OF LIFE? I'm at a total loss - can someone help? Best answer wins some free shit, I promise. (And I'm a man of my word - you get what you pay for. Expect an autographed [by me, no less] matchbook or some shit.)