Wednesday, November 15, 2006


However, if you're going to try and catch it in your hat, the Cub variety might not be the best idea.

Mark DeRosa started out as a relative unknown, then got a new role and had a breakout season, but hasn't been heard from since. Wait, that's Portia De Rossi...but really, what's the difference? DeRosa's number seven comparable player of all time is Ramon Martinez...and that's not somebody you sign to a multiyear, $3m+ per deal. He's already 31, has a career OPS+ of 90, and THIS is the up-the-middle improvement that's going to keep Eric Patterson in the minors until we can legally fuck girls that were born in the month that Kurt Cobain died? Not to go all angry black man on you (email I JUST THIS SECOND received: "Catch's interview with Ludacris". Honestly.), but Mark DeRosa is exactly who we thought he is. (Luckily, we will not be signing A-Rod to "crown" his ass.)

Does anyone think that this is a team that can win 90 games? The only positive about signing DeRosa is that he's so unworthy of the #2 hole that Sweet Lou will be forced to bat Barrett there, which is where he's belonged all along. The Cubs have three offensive players who could be considered "stars", with the outfielders fitting in "average to above average". DeRosa and whichever asshole we put at short are best used in the context of a PowerPoint presentation on "Why Carlos Zambrano should bat seventh". Outside of Zambrano, the starting pitching ranges from "shaky" to "really shaky", with Angel Guzman filling Wood's spot as "highly touted pitcher who appears to have a functioning vagina".

There is hope, though. I mean, if the Tigers can go from 119 losses to winning the World Series in three years (I will not argue that this happened), there is no reason that the Cubs can't win in '07 or '08. I mean, the last time the Cubs played an '08 season, they won the World Series. NOT ALL THAT BAD I MUST SAY.

Also, I'm really glad that the Bears won, and won well. However...I'm still going to place a wager on the Giants to win the NFC. I've seen all I needed to see. (If you will be so kind, ignore my football pool picks as well.)


At 11/15/2006 2:17 PM, Anonymous Jewhatetron5000 said...

"THIS is the up-the-middle improvement that's going to keep Eric Patterson in the minors until we can legally fuck girls that were born in the month that Kurt Cobain died?"

Best quote ever.

Also I think the Cards won the WS. I could be wrong. Not like I'd rub it in or anything

At 11/15/2006 2:39 PM, Blogger Pandrew said...

Hey A-Train, I said this already.

At 11/15/2006 5:07 PM, Blogger A-Train said...

Hey Pandrew, I know. But I got a figurative woody whilst thinking about the article I was going to write when I saw the signing news, and I played the percentages and figured you were off doing whatever it is that you do. So, when I got home last night, I figured I'd write it anyways.

Also - Welcome, Jew Hate-Tron! Does this mean you hate Jews, or that you are a Jewish hater (possibly of the robo-playa variety)?

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