Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Michael Barrett's Unborn Children Death Watch, Day 3

To show solidarity with our fallen hero, I would like to present this very special Sausage-Free Saturday. (In order to preserve continuity, we've reverted to the Julian calendar. Don't worry about it. Besides, it's only fair - dates in the Julian calendar are referred to as Old Style.)

Tonight, while watching the Nationals/Misappropriated State Birds on a slow night at work, I came across Washington's alternative to the (processed and spiced pork offal) Race. After checking to make sure I hadn't gotten a contact high from the local crackhead (who was reading race results into a tape recorder), I realized that this was somewhere between capitalism at its finest and a cross between Mt. Rushmore and an Arrested Development-style "Living Classics" pageant. Neither George Bush nor Bluth, sadly, was represented.

In other news, the Cubs played tonight. They were horrible. Let's bullet-list this bitch.

- Giving up five runs in the first three innings? Unacceptability level: 4/10. Face it, Jason Bay is really, really good. Besides, it's the Cubs. We expect these things.

- Juan Mateo's continued existence? Unacceptability level: 5.5/10. I had the privilege honor misfortune of personally attending his start in St. Louis a couple of weeks back, and I must say, anyone who calls him a prospect around me is getting facepunched. His stuff is pedestrian at best (although his 7/0 K/BB ratio tonight is a good sign), he's uber-hittable, and I keep getting him confused with Julio (the slightly more effective) Mateo.

- Ryan Dempster in close games? Unacceptability level: 9/10. The Dumpster salvages a non-10 rating only by virtue of not being named "LaTroy Hawkins". I realize that sending him to AAA doesn't make any sense with the expanded rosters, but can't we just cut him? Or, at the very least, stick him in a mop-up role?

I go cry now.

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